Tag Archives: conflicts

It’s All About The Attitude

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“The one who does not make a mistake is God. The one who makes mistakes and realises the mistake, is human God” meant the shop keeper Kewalbhai, when he said in Hindi “Jo bhool nahin karta wah Bhagawan hai.  Jo Bhool karke maan leta hai bhagwan jaisa insaan hai”.

I was with my best friend Kishore Bhatia and his wife Neelu in Rishikesh on 27 March 2015, a place I love to visit for a peaceful and pollution free break.  We observed that the shop owners in the area around Geeta Bhavan lacked courtesy.

In one of the shops, Kishore asked for a blue shirt.  He did not like the shade that was shown to him and Neelu requested if she could see some other colours.  This supposedly was reason enough for the shopkeeper to be upset.

He argued that he did not show other colours because he was asked for blue. He spoke in a manner that made it seem like Kishore had committed a crime by asking for a colour of his liking.  He then went on to practically throw a few shirts before Neelu whereas he could have politely shown the other shades.  I did not like the shop keeper’s attitude.  I got into an argument with the shop keeper for his behavior, making me lose my peace of mind.

That evening, as we calmed down like the surface of the river in front of us, we analysed the incident. We realised that though the shopkeeper’s attitude was not right, we weren’t right either. By getting into an argument for someone else’s mistake and improper attitude, I created an adverse impact on me.

Next day, I went to the shop-keeper and said “I feel bad that I had an argument with you yesterday.  Let us not discuss who was at fault. Let us forget that incident as I have realised that the arguments could have been easily avoided.”

He got up from his chair as if an electric shock passed through his chair.  He held my hand and apologized for his attitude the previous day.

“Jo bhool nahin karta wah Bhagawan hai.  Jo Bhool karke maan leta hai bhagwan jaisa insaan hai” said the shop keeper Kewalbhai.  (The one who does not commit mistakes is God.  The one who does a mistake and realises it, is a human God).  He started praising me as he held my hands firmly for quite a few minutes.

He further said, “You are a good human being. I want to give you something”. I was relieved and happy.  I wondered whether he would extend a gift from his shop!    Instead, he gave me a gift of his sincerity.  He gave me a printed card and said “if you ever have a problem with your teeth, touch the problematic tooth with your finger and chant the mantra written on the card just once.  You will be relieved immediately.  He similarly gave tips for other problems.

He asked me to join my palms together so that he could read my hands.  Two corresponding lines, one  one each palm, formed a curve like a half moon.  Next, he checked the levels two prominent lines on my two little fingers.

The levels didn’t match; there was a difference of about 1 to 2mm.  The shop keeper said, “ just now, you have an upset stomach.  You don’t have proper appetite either.”  Sure enough, he was right. I had a mild stomach ache.

He took out a black cotton thread, chanted a mantra mentally and tied five knots.  He looked at my face and added another two.   This time when I held my palms next to each other, all three lines matched perfectly.  The difference had gone!   Suddenly my stomach ache disappeared too and I felt normal.

I wondered why I argued with such a helpful and talented gentleman.  Had I controlled myself for a minute, I would not have harmed my peace of mind.

This incident taught me once again: “I have a particular attitude towards life, others have their own.  If I understand this, I can protect my peace of mind.”

Author: Badri Baldawa

Editor  : Meeta Kabra

Family Culture: East is East, West is West

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Mid night Sun at Nord Cape 25 July 1983

July 1983. My wife and I were on our first of the three trips so far to the Northern most regions of the earth.   We were on our way to watch the midnight Sun. We were travelling by train from Copenhagen, Denmark to Oslo, Norway.

Mid night Sun at Nord Cape 25 July 1983

Mid night Sun at Nord Cape 25 July 1983

Other than us, there was one more passenger in our train cabin.  He must’ve been around 70 and was from Holland.  He was on a vacation.  He left home by a vanity van, which had all the luxuries one expects in an apartment.  He parked his van at Copenhagen before boarding the train for visiting the various islands in Norway for a 45-day trip.  In the Second World War, he was injured and one of his legs had to be amputated.   He was living with his wife on a decent pension.

In a couple of hours, we became friendly and I asked why his wife was not accompanying him on the vacation.  He said:  “Yes.  That’s how it was planned initially.  But on the day we were to leave, my wife fell ill and I left by myself. “

Look at this unimaginable situation.   Just because his wife fell ill, he left her alone.  Instead of staying back to help his ailing wife, he preferred to go ahead with his long vacation without her.   He could have easily waited for her to recover as it would not have made too much of a difference. He was traveling by road and had his accommodation in his own van.

Though this action was normally acceptable in their society, I am wondering whether we would have done the same thing in our part of the world!

Experienced and Written By: Badri Baldawa

Edited By : Meeta Kabra

I Almost Gave Up My Childhood Dream, But ……

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My target was trekking to the Mt Everest base camp.  It was the sixth day of an 18-day expedition. I was on my way to Dabuche.   Instead of the norm of going with a group of 8-10 people, I decided to experience the journey by myself, with a sherpa to help and guide me.

I had already had enough of the bitter cold. I was weak from a day’s worth of upset stomach to go with the steep climbs.  I had seen injured people being carried back and heard of quite a few who were being flown back due to severe altitude sickness. Along the way. I had seen too many bodies of trekkers who died in their attempt to complete the trek.

I almost gave up.

Usually, trekkers from both directions assemble in the evening at the dining area of tea shops at their night halt points.  Most people prefer to hang around closer to kitchen ovens because it is slightly warmer compared to the sleeping cabins.

Keep Climbing

Keep Climbing

At the end of that day, I was too tired and feeling depressed.  That evening, I heard terrible stories about the trekkers who had gone ahead. I was scared, worried and tense.  For the first time in the trip, I wondered seriously why I had left the comforts of home food, bathing and toilet luxuries, my own bedroom with controlled temperature and the great evening walks with my wife. Doubts started creeping in.

Things were likely to be tougher since the path ahead was more isolated.  Maybe, it was wrong to have come for such a tough trek.  I thought it wasn’t too late to go back home instead of facing the risk ahead. I considered telling the sherpa that we ought to return.  But I could wait till the morning.

I wasn’t hungry, I just had a bowl of soup with bread and stretched for a while on the bed.  It was already dark.  I felt slightly relaxed and positive.  I picked up the torch which was always handy.  I looked for the folder with the travel documents.  In the folder, I found two sheets of printed stuff.  I had carried with me some of the interesting and encouraging messages sent by friends and family, before I left.  I put on my glasses, held the torch in one hand and started reading them.  Each of the messages made my nerves tingle with positivity.

  • “you are an inspiration”,
  • “you are different”,
  • “with your energy, you can give people half of your age a run for their money”,
  • “nothing is impossible for you”,
  • “you convert ideas into realities”,
  • “you convert hopes into accomplishments”,
  • “You overcome fear into self confidence”,
  • “You are definitely one of those handful few”,
  • “You are equipped with spiritual health and strong will power”,
  • “Not many can visualize a dream and achieve it also”,
  • “I would have the privilege to tell to my friends, that a personal friend of mine has done this”,
  • “We are proud of you”,
  • “it is tough, but cake walk for you”,
  • “Fantastic, what a way to do the things man”,
  • “It is honour to know someone like you to look upto” etc.
  • One also read: “Height may make you feel a bit shaky at times, but I know you can reach the top!  With your courage and determination, you can go past all obstacles coming your way, you can do it, you can do it!”

  • Another:

    “Follow your dream…..

    Take one step at a time and don’t settle for less…

    Just continue to climb….

    If you stumble, don’t stop, don’t lose sight of your goal…

    Press to the top, as at the top, we can have a vision to see something new….

    Press on, follow your dream, follow your dream”

These really boosted my spirits, when I needed them the most.  I regained my confidence.  It reminded me of my philosophy which, for a short while I had forgotten, ‘If others can do it, why can’t I”.  These well wishers saved my day and enabled me to move forward with full vigour to make my 50 years old childhood dream come true!

Therefore, let us put in inspiring words wherever possible. Let us not under-estimate the power of our positive words.   They work wonders!!

Experienced and Written By: Badri Baldawa

Edited By : Meeta Kabra

Be Careful Of Ravans In Ram’s Land

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“Why do people carry gold jewelry when they travel?”  I remember asking my dad as a child.  Around 1960s, it was fashionable for people to wear gold ornaments while traveling, especially women.  Dad’s reply was interesting.

“It is better to have a gold ring or a small chain when you travel. For any reason, if one dies while traveling alone, he carries something which can be used to, at the very least perform the last rites. That way the body is not at the mercy of others’ charity.”

Those were the times when fast communication was almost non-existent, travel facilities were minimal, visiting cards were not prevalent and neither were ID cards.  If one died and was not identified, a group of people strangers would perform cremation formalities.

Then dad added, “But while traveling never carry jewelry more than the basic minimum.  Never carry it to show off”.

A few years later, I was at the bank of River Ganges in Benaras (Kashi/Varnasi).  I was on an audit at Fertilizer Corp of India, Sindri near Dhanbad.  This is another popular, important pious place for Hindus. For the weekend, I decided to visit Benaras and bathe in the River Ganges.

It was January and the water was extremely cold.  It was impossible for me to swim in the strong current of the River.  The alternative was to go some steps into the river and take a few quick dips. It needed courage to dip in the ice-cold water, so early in the morning.

As I approached the river, there were two guys sitting with a reasonably sized metal safe and a receipt book. They had a signboard saying:

 “Beware of Thieves.

Government appointed custodian for valuables.

Free Service.

Please collect receipt for your deposits.”

I had left my money at the hotel and carried only a few rupees with me.  However, I forgot to take my wrist watch and gold chain off.  The chain was a little long, so it was possible for it slip out when I took a dip in the water. I thought it a better idea to leave it with these official custodians.

While I was considering, a South Indian couple with two children, aged approximately 8-10 were with the custodians.  They probably read the board.  They deposited all their jewelry and valuables including the cash they had and collected the receipt.

One of those two guys at the locker came running to me to scare me. He told me that there were a lot of thefts at the riverbank while tourists bathed in the river. He said it was for my good that he was suggesting that I deposit all my valuables with them.  I began to wonder why a Government official would invite and insist.

I took an intuitive decision not to leave anything with them. I told them I had nothing much to deposit and carried on to the river.

Somehow, after seeing the custodian, I was suspicious about the entire place.  I suspected someone would take my clothes too, which carried some cash, watch and my gold chain.  In case it did happen, what would I have on me when I went back to the hotel?  I had to be careful.

I left my shirt and pant on one of the steps close to the bank of the river. I took only a few steps till I was about 3-4ft in the water. I could keep an eye on my clothes. I chose to take a few dips rather than a small swim. That way I could see my belongings after every dip, every few seconds.

The water was freezing cold and so was the winter weather. I took my first dip and in almost unconsciously looked at my clothes to make sure that they were still there. I did this after every one of the 7 dips I took.

Normally, when we dip in the river, we are supposed to sync our thoughts with the Almighty, the river Goddess and pray.  Unfortunately, I was just thinking about my clothes. Not good! I decided to be better prepared when I visited again in the evening.

On my way back, I saw a family of four crying and beating their chest.  I walked to them and asked them why they were upset. Did something drastic and wrong happen while they bathed? When I approached them, I recognized that this was the same family I had seen near the custodians before I left for my bath.

Holding the receipt, they, including the 2 kids, were crying and told me in Telugu (which I knew well), “Oh, we lost everything. We are doomed.  We deposited all our ornaments and cash with the depositors.  They just disappeared with their vault.  We don’t have money even to feed our children nor to buy tickets to get back home!”  A respectable family was left to beg for charity from other visitors there.  A pitiful scene.

I was happy that I did not bank my valuables with them.  Since multiple IDs are now available, I make it a point not to carry unnecessary valuables while traveling and check the genuineness of operators with the hotel authorities or local permanent shop keepers.

We have to be careful of devils who play on sentiments of innocent even in most pious places.  Let us remember, even in mythology, devils are Gods’ neighbours!  After all, Ravan co-existed with Ram and Shiva.

Experienced and Written By: Badri Baldawa

Edited By : Meeta Kabra

Difficult Challenges? Grab Them!

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“Release these payments for the purchases from Australia,” said my boss, Mr. AA (renamed to hide identity) one of the three directors, who was respected in social and business circles in the Middle East.  It was a transaction of a few hundred thousand US Dollars.

I did not release the payment.  It wasn’t that the funds weren’t available. We were purchasing a quantity way out of proportion to actual requirement. I was not convinced, especially since these were food products that bore expiry dates.

I was the purchases and finance manager. We had set-up a system for placing orders.  Normally, the quantities for a re-order were based on a review of movement of product for the last four months, stock in hand, orders in transit and the seasonal demand.  That’s how a healthy inventory was maintained without a strain on cash flow.

Each of the other directors had their own individual group of companies, other than this company. I had to be loyal to the interest of the company and not to individuals. I insisted on approval of all the directors.

The above order was large and hadn’t gone through the laid down procedure. Most importantly, it was abnormally excessive.  The goods had arrived at the port and the payments had to be made immediately. Fortunately, the order was not in our company’s name.  The other directors considered all aspects and did not approve this purchase.

Mr. AA was upset and had to make alternate emergency arrangements.  On his return to the office, I was called in. I carried my resignation letter with me!  I was expecting to be relieved of my job.

He said, “Will you join me as Chief Purchase Manager and Financial Controller of my Group of companies”.  I realised discipline pays!  I said I needed a week’s time to think it over.  This was in 1981.

Within the week, I got all possible information about Mr. AA’s group.  The information I collected revealed that every day when they closed stores for the day, it wasn’t sure whether they would open the shutters of the business next day morning. Even the staff salary was in arrears for a few months. The financial position was absolutely critical.

After a week, I went to him:

Me: AA, I accept your proposal, if other partners have no objection to it.

AA: I will convince the other partners. Have you given this a good thought?

Me: Yes, I have.

AA: What would be your terms and salary expectations?

Me: It is not relevant.  If I perform, remuneration will follow by itself.

AA: Do you know the financial status of my group?

Me: Yes.  I Know.  Business may close down any day.

AA: You are in such a healthy company. Here, in my group, you are not sure if you’ll get a salary.

Me: Yes.  I considered that.  We have to create a position where everyone gets paid.

AA: I am surprised.  Why?  What makes you join my group?.

Me: Challenge!  It is the challenge which is tempting me to accept this responsibility.  The present company is healthy and wealthy and has systems which will not allow it to collapse.  This can be managed by anyone. But to revive a group like yours would be a real challenge to my abilities.

AA: You are risking your career.

Me: Yes, but I am confident of reviving the company.

I joined the group.  I had the support of a very capable CEO and jointly we resolved the problems.  After a year or so of revival, there were a few from known business circle to seek advise to revive their sick businesses!    I was with them for 5 years till the day I decided to return to India, to start my own business! I thank AA for giving me an opportunity to resolve very complicated problems and learn many lessons which otherwise, I would have missed!  It was a rewarding experience.

If you see a difficult challenge, grab it. It gives opportunities to learn.

Experienced and Written By: Badri Baldawa

Edited By : Meeta Kabra

 

In 1940s, Why Many Were Born Before 10 June !

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“What is your son’s birth date?” the clerk at the primary school asked my uncle who took me there for admissions in 1950. My uncle was caught unaware.  He never expected to face this question for getting me admitted to school!

I was born at home with the help of Akkamma, an experienced daima (mid-wife) who was devoted to our family for pre and post natal needs. There was no system of celebrating ‘Happy Birthdays’ during those days!  So, parents never bothered to remember the actual birth date of their child!

If I had to check with my Mother for anyone’s birthday in the family, she would quote an incident which happened a few days prior or after the specific birth.  I really appreciate their memories. The deliveries very rarely  in hospitals.  They were mostly at home with the help of daima.   Hence there were no official records. Only a lucky few could afford to wear a wristwatch at that time.  Therefore even the accuracy of the exact time was questionable.

Then how come we all have birth dates? Oh, and even the exact time of birth! In this entire loop, at least in my case, there was one individual who played an important role in determining my actual birth date.

In business communities, the 6 feet long red colour cloth bound bahi-khaatas (books of accounts) were maintained by the family muneems (accountants).  Whenever there was a new arrival in the family, he made a note at the top of that day’s journal “wife of Mr. so-and-so delivered a baby boy/girl at such-and-such time.”

The time noted was as given by the family members.  That became the basis for preparing janam and lagna kundalis (birth and marriage horoscopes) by the Pandits (priests). These were usually prepared years later, as and when the necessity arose.  Else there was no need to remember the birth date.

Therefore, when most unexpectedly the guardian of a child is asked for a birth date, one does not expect to get an answer on the spot.  Even if the guardian knew, there are some other internal and external limitations which needed to be considered.

There were no pre-KG or KG classes then.  For admission to the 1st standard in a primary school, the student had to complete 5 years of age as on 10th June of the year of admission.  If someone was born on 11th June or later, he would lose one year in school as that year was not counted for admission age of 5 years.

And there were other factors too!  An auspicious day was selected for getting admission to school. There was a belief that once you go for a good cause, it was inauspicious to return without having completed the job.  Hence, once you were at the school for admission, there was reluctance to go back home to find the actual birth date.

Even if he wanted to, he would have to trace the books of accounts of five years back, look through each and every day’s notes around the approximate date of birth. A tedious task indeed.

Further, parents considered it an honour to have their child admitted to a school.  It didn’t matter if the age was a couple of months short; the repercussions in the future were not considered seriously in those days.

The school authorities were interested in as many admissions as possible, so that they coult earn enough.   A date which proves completion of 5 years would do.  The parents were conveniently advised to give a date between 1st and 9th of June (of 5 years back) so that the child could be considered as having completed 5 years of age!

Not surprisingly, a good part of the population at that time was born just before 10th June!

Written By: Badri Baldawa

Edited By : Meeta Kabra

For my other Blogs please click on www.smritiweb.com/badri/

 

Will Power Assures Success

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Lower Spondylitis, three cervical slips and dislocation of a toe-joint were the health related issues I faced in 2008. Alongside I had syncope and chronic high blood pressure.  In normal course, with these issues, one might vehemently oppose the idea of even going for a simple walk.

I, however, wanted to trek to Mt. Everest base camp.  Age 64 years.  My spine questioned its importance, “how can you ignore me and put me under such strain?” The toe protested “after all it is me who’ll ensure you to do the trek. If I am not well, how will you trek?”  To me they sounded like kids making excuses to escape from home work.

But I was very clear.  Come what may, I have to go. I wasn’t convinced that these were adequate reasons to not to go or to postpone the Everest Trek, even by a day.  I had to convince my so-called problems.  To my cervical spine, I said “I will not strain you. I won’t carry baggage on my shoulders; I’ll have a porter to carry the weight”.  To the lower spine, I extended a carrot stick, “Don’t you worry.  I have a nice, imported waist-belt to support you; you would love its company”.

For the toe I had, “I will take you to an orthopedic doctor, feed you with appropriate energy so that you won’t feel the pain, atleast for a few weeks.”

The Doctor advised me to postpone the trek by a fortnight to give some provisional treatment.  When I refused and asked for a better option, he came up with a solution. He’d inject a medicine and within a week the toe would be good for the next 8 weeks at least.

Looking at my firm attitude, my good-old companions from birth, neck, spine and toe were convinced and happily made my trek to Everest possible.

We are faced with similar problems in other fields too, in day-to-day life.  If we permit them to dominate, they restrict our success.  If we have the will power to dominate these problems, success is assured.

Written: Badri Baldawa

Edited: Meeta Kabra

Support, But Do Not Spoil

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Just like I was  looking for moral and financial support when I started my career, many youngsters need support from people who are established. I have been an active participant in trying to provide similar assistance and support, to the best of my means and limitations, for the last 20 years.  It is a pleasure to share a couple of experiences I learnt out of my experiences on matters of financial assistance.

Majority of the people who seek help come with genuine repayment plans and fulfill their commitments on time.  It is always a pleasure extending support to persons with such an attitude. If the loan is for commercial purposes, there is nothing wrong for the lender to have a fair return, as the objective of the loan was to earn money.

If the loan is for an essential nature, I consider providing assistance ‘free of interest’ as getting them out of the financial strain is an adequate satisfaction.  But the borrower should realise that the lender has given the help depriving himself of the earnings that he otherwise would earn on that amount.

However, I have experienced that this ‘interest free’ tag has a  negative effect.   In such cases, the borrower instead of being grateful for receiving concessions, unfortunately, feels that it was his ‘right’ to have received that assistance.  In certain cases it was taken for granted as a gift.  Besides the borrower conveniently takes the repayment of interest-free loan as a last priority, as it doesn’t cost him to delay the repayments.  In most of the cases, the borrower avoids talking to lender as he considers it is the duty of the lender to ask for money.  In some cases, because of the relationship in question, the lender does not talk about it, converting “good money” to “bad money”.

Who is responsible for this?  The borrower?  No. My experience says, it is the me the lender’s fault, for very many reasons.

  • First of all, the loan given was emotion-based and not merit based
  • Secondly,  I mis-judged the borrower, in his attitude
  • Thirdly, I reduced the value of money, by giving the loan interest free
  • Fourthly, if the loan was given for non-essential purposes, I helped the borrower in  investing the funds for non-productive purposes.

Thus I was the one who spoiled them.  I could have been wiser in taking the borrower in confidence by explaining that I value my relationship with him and wish to avoid misunderstandings in future citing Shakespeare, “neither a lender nor a borrower be.”

Had I said a firm “No” and avoided getting emotional, I could have saved them and their deterioration in quality of attitude.  Above all I could have retained my relations with them!

Written: Badri Baldawa

Edited: Meeta Kabra

Who Was She?

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I was driving alone from Abu Dhabi to Dubai on a Friday night in 1983-84.  It is a distance of 130 kms and a 1.5 hour drive.  At that time, the stretch of about 100 km from the outskirts of Abudhabi to Dubai World Trade Centre, was an isolated route.  The roads hardly had anything other than speeding cars plying at over 140km/hr.  It is a right-side-drive system in that part of the world.  That Friday night, I had a peculiar experience.

After about 20 kms from Abudhabi, I saw a lady standing on the roadside with her right thumb pointing up for a lift to Dubai.  She was wearing bangles made of white gold with shining studded diamonds.  Light from the headlights of the car reflected the brightness of the diamonds when she held her hand up for a lift.

She was wearing a white chudidar-kurta.  White – as white as you can imagine.  Shiny silk fabric. Silky white – neck to toe.  No part of the body were exposed except her hands.  I could not trace the face. I don’t remember it it was hollow at that time!

Normally, I would not give a lift to any one on that isolated route. But I don’t know why, I stopped the car to my right.  Though my car doors were auto-locked, she opened the door. It opened absolutely softly.  She sat in.  I continued driving.

She sat quietly. After a while I asked some question. She did not answer.  While I was still driving, I glanced towards her seat. She was wearing white socks, snow white, shiny sandles.

Funnily because I saw her legs resting on the neck support at the top of the seat next to me.  I quickly realised, it might not be really funny.  Where had her head gone?  It was at the bottom of the seat, with top of her bald head covered with a white scarf resting on the foot-carpet.

I glanced again, this time top to bottom of the seat.  It was clear to me she was sitting upside down.  Bald head, a long, long nose, eyes deep inside and chin projecting out!  There was certainly something seriously wrong!

I had the same thoughts you are having now.  I need to protect myself!

I had to take a pre-emptive step!  Who else could be better than Lord Hanuman in such situations?  In my mind, I started chanting Hanuman Chalisa. “Bhoot Pisacha nikata nahi ave, Mahavir jab naam sunave etc.”.  (If you chant Lord Hanuman’s name, ghosts will stay away.)

After a while, I glanced at her seat, though not at her.  She was still there.  I already had her company for about 50km.   No communication and it looked as if she was waiting for an opportunity to do something harmful.

I collected all my strength and started chanting again Hanuman Chalisa, this time loudly.  I kept repeating the loud chant.  After a while, the car stopped on the road side!  Waah Hanumanji!  I don’t remember having turned the steering nor did I remember applying the brakes.  But the car stopped decently, on the side of the road. She opened the door, got down, slowly walked away and after a couple of steps she disappeared.

Can someone tell me – Who Was She?

Written: Badri Baldawa
Edited: Meeta Kabra

 

 

Mother’s Ring Speaks

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75 years ago, my mother got married.  She got a stone studded ring as a wedding gift from dad.  Both the families were well-reputed and reasonably placed economically at that time.  But luck has its own agenda and things changed. My parents wanted me to study but ran short of funds. Around 1963, they pledged the ring, for a loan of Rs. 450 against it, at a rate of 3% monthly interest cumulative. That’s how I could complete my education. I wasn’t aware of this loan. I accidentally found the pawnbroker’s note a couple of years later.

I completed my education in 1968 and got a job at a handsome salary of Rs.720 per month. Over a period of 5-6 years, the loan with compounded interest accrued to Rs.2,200. A new ring like that one could then be purchased for about Rs.1,100.  My parents must’ve even forgotten the matter by this time.  Anyway, financially it did not make sense to release the ring from the clutches of the moneylender.  However, from my accrued initial savings, I got the ring released, as it was invaluable for mom.  When I surprised mom with the ring, she could not believe it, tears rolled down and she sobbed for quite a while, probably for the unexpected surprise of getting back an invaluable item of sentimental value.

I lost my mother on Akshaya Trithiya, 24 April 2012, exactly two years ago.  When her ornaments were distributed to her children, I preferred to retain just that stone studded ring my dad had given to mom at their wedding.

I was holding that ring today. The Ring started speaking. What the Ring said could hold true for anyone.

Displaying photo.JPG

“Parents try their best to bring their children up, within affordable means and facilities available to them. They disciplined, gave pleasure, taught culture according to what they thought was best for you, from their point of view.  It was all selfless and nothing was expected in return.”

The Ring continued to speak:  “Forget not, you are holding your present status mainly due to the support of your parents, for which they pledged their wedding ring and even mangalsutra.  They preferred to remain hungry to ensure that you are fed.

To value the care they had taken, wasn’t it your duty to have spent some more time with them to share and talk about things of their interest? Did you not deprive them of the respect and facilities they deserved, forgetting that they sacrificed all their life for your development?”

The ring was true. I lost my father early in my life.  While my mother was alive, every day, I thought I would shortly be free; retire from my business and spend some time with her.

Occasionally, I probably considered that spending time with parents was unproductive, boring, waste of time and even disgusting.  Sometimes, I probably thought the parents were rigid and argued on matters irrelevant to the present environment.  Why did I get these types of feelings about the people, who spent their whole life to bring me up, educate me and support me in building my career?

They were the ones who were next to me whenever I was ill; they were the ones who sacrificed their desires, just to ensure that my desires get fulfilled.

I probably failed to understand that as my parents were advancing in age, their level of energy and enthusiasm would reduce and they might not catch up with new lifestyle.  I probably failed to give credit that they were more mature, better experienced and have higher understanding, without which they could not have guided me all through my life. I probably failed to appreciate that they had right to feel proud for whatever they have gone through to shoulder the family responsibilities so far. Silly, that I confused that as their ego. I probably had forgotten that they had already proven themselves while I still had to prove myself.

What a wrong notion I carried that I am extra smart.  In fact, my parents sacrificed everything for me and still they honoured and appreciated me for whatever little I did.  Alas, when my turn came to serve and honour them, I missed the golden opportunity to avail the win-win situation. Had I done that I would have lost nothing.  I repent today.

Oh, my dear Mother’s Ring.  Thank you for speaking out.  Let me see whether I can at least express gratefulness to the living elders “for whatever they have done” and show them that “I care for you and your feelings”.

Author: Badri Baldawa

Editor: Meeta Kabra