Category Archives: Parent Category

What Next – A Dilemma

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On certain occasions in life you are at a dilemma – do I satisfy my desires or take overall responsibilities.  At such points, it is essential to curb our feelings for the larger good. To do what I really want to do would surely give me pleasure. But the pleasure I would get in fulfilling the desires of the entire family would be incomparable.  If I have an opportunity to get ‘incomparable pleasure’, why should I get satisfied with just ‘pleasure’?

In 1965, I appeared for B.Com exams and was contemplating what was best for me to do thereafter.  I had to decide whether to join business or go for a job or pursue further studies. The ground reality was that we were ten brothers and four sisters.  Except one sister who was married, the others were younger to me.  They needed to be educated, married and ultimately settle in their career. There was always a financial crunch at home – even for essential day to day needs.  We desperately needed regular income in the family.

I always wanted to run my own business and I had the confidence that I had acumen for it. It could then be debated – why did I not join dad’s mining business?  The mining business was not giving returns.  To make it profitable, processes needed to be mechanised for which an investment of Rs.15-20 crores was needed.  We did not have adequate sources nor securities to get the large funds to run the mining business.

The maximum financial help I was offered was enough to set up a grocery shop – a very common business occupation at that time. Though business could give better earnings, there was no guarantee of any fixed minimum returns.  A single wrong decision in business could ruin the dreams of the entire family.  It was too big a risk for me to take.  I had to play a safer game.  Therefore to ensure that all the family members are taken care of, I decided against setting up a business.

The other option was to study further which would result in a further financial burden. The family would continue to struggle for at least 3-4 additional years.

Employment gives regular assured income.  It was better to go for assured income by doing a job.  At any later time, as and when I saw the family settling down, I could take the risk of fulfilling my dream of experimenting with my own business. Under the circumstances, I was convinced that doing a job would be the thing to do.  It was a compromise and of course, not a very happy situation to be in. I was still in dilemma

Just then, the results of my final B.Com were declared.  I had secured the top rank in the University.  After getting the results, I went home, took my mother’s blessings and headed to the office room.  I missed my dad.  He was away on one of his trips to the mines. By this time, a few of our family, friends and neighbours who had heard of my results had already collected in the office with a garland to honour me. One common question was,  “Badri, what do you want to do next?”  True, I now had to take a final decision.

I was blessed with a surprise.  My dad had unexpectedly returned from his trip and entered the office, full of well-wishers.  He was not aware of my results.  He heard it from the people already collected there.  I could read his face.  He was a proud father. As if the garland was waiting for my dad.  He picked it up and garlanded me.  What an honour!

The same question was asked again, “what next?” I was still confused.  Before I could answer, dad answered.  “With such bright results, what other option would he prefer other than to take the family responsibility after me.”  I was happy that dad had come to my rescue and took a decision for me.

Dad looked at me and continued “Beta, you study as much as you want.  No limits.  Leave it to me, I will handle the affairs at home. You don’t have to worry about the expenses.   I have energy and strength to take care of all of that. If you study now, you can take care of the family tomorrow!”  I was lucky to have such a dad!

A very sensitive occasion for me.  My dilemma was no more.  I got what I ultimately wanted.  Study further.  I thought for a while, I could continue study now and still earn later with higher status and earnings.  But if I went for a steady income now, it would be very difficult to go for studies later on.

It therefore was decided that I would go for further studies as long as dad had energy.This was the opportunity to show my worth in studies and then take up the challenge of supporting the entire family.  It also reminded me: in business I might earn, but it would be temporary because there can always be losses. But if I acquire knowledge, it would be my permanent asset and I would never lose it. That asset would help me later, whether I go for employment or business.

Vidya Dhanam Sarwa Dhana Pradhanam.

Author: Badri Baldawa

Editor: Meeta Kabra

The Puff

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My family owned a tobacco business for a few years when I was a child.  All the adult men in our family had to smoke to assess the quality of the tobacco.  The youngsters, particularly from the family of my uncles, were not prohibited from smoking. If they had to be a part of the business, they had to know the taste of the tobacco.

Smoking, however, never interested me.  As a child, I thought smoking was bad for youngsters and may be good for older people who earn out of it. I didn’t smoke and my dad didn’t want me to smoke ever.

Around the mid 1950s, on one specific occasion, curiosity got the better of me – I wanted to know what a smoke tastes like.  I chose a time when my dad’s office was empty.  I closed both doors to the office.  To ensure that no one detects me, I crept under the office table, and put a beedi in my mouth, filmy style.

I tried to copy Dilip Kumar, N T Ramarao or Nageswar Rao, the then Hindi and Telugu famous movie actors. I lit the beedi, and took my first puff.  Oh no! I started coughing immediately. The cough just would not stop.

My dad was in the quality inspection room located just behind the office room.  He sent our senior supervisor Girijappa to figure what was wrong with me.  Girijappa rushed, looked at me, understood what I was upto. He said it is not unusual and that it happens when you smoke for the first time.  That was the only puff I had in my life.  I hated the concept thereafter.

I thank that puff for keeping me away from smoking forever.

Written: Badri Baldawa                                Edited: Meeta Kabra

Protest Unfair Traditions

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31 Jan 1971.  Believe me, I was at last getting married!

Just before the wedding, one of the customs considers the bridegroom as Lord Vishnu. Thus, the bride’s father welcomes the son-in-law on his arrival as if he were Lord Vishnu.  So was I. In addition to a wonderful life-time companion, I was offered a suit and a gold chain etc as gifts!  Great!

But just before that, the father-in-law offers pooja and prayers to the son-in-law and in the process he washes the son-in-law’s feet, wipes them, applies Kumkum chandan, tilak, etc to his feet. Basically, prays him literally like he was God.

There comes the problem and the dilemma.  On the one hand, you are taught to regard your wife’s father like he was your own father and at the same time, you make him wash your feet?

Would you ever allow your father to touch and wash your feet?  No, certainly not. Then how could I accept that my father-in-law would wash my feet?  Never.  It is possible it was a good old tradition and there was a reason for it to be included in the ceremonies. But, it did not appear logical to me.

I rebelled against this system. I just couldn’t allow my father-in-law to wash my feet.  Senior members of my family protested, even though my dad appreciated the gesture. The protest was natural as I was trying to break an age-old system. I was firm and every one ultimately had to agree.

This system was deleted from our family for all the subsequent weddings till date. Deleted once and for all!

My belief is that wherever the system does not appear to be fair, check whether your conscience permits to continue with what you are being asked to do.

 

Written: Badri Baldawa                                                                           Edited: Meeta Kabra

My Philosophy of Studying

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“If others can be University Gold Medalists, why can’t I?” was a question I challenged myself with in college.  Initially, it sounded like a difficult dream.  So what?  If I am different, nothing is difficult.

Having decided to make my dream into a reality, I met a few examiners to find out what they looked for while assessing answers?  The way I understood, they checked if –

  • all relevant points to the question are covered.
  • answers were written in own language, instead of rote answers from text books
  • new points/observations made were justified well

I figured, If properly worked out, it was not a difficult task to score well. I got excited and a burning desire to achieve this took root.  Next, I had to challenge myself to get the best out of my abilities.  My strategy was four fold –

  1. Guru Samarpan: Take maximum guidelines from my teachers
  2. Self-discipline: Be sincere to yourself and
  3. Study Plans:  Have a proper plan in place for studying
  4. Approach at Examination Hall

To elaborate –

  • 1. Guru samarpan:  I surrendered to my professors and lecturers completely. Once the teachers realised that I am devoted to them, they started taking more interest in my queries and doubts.  They were happy to share their books, their notes, their knowledge and even their home.
  • College library would lend only 2 books at a time.  But my beloved lecturers gave me a free hand to borrow more books under their names.
  • For getting any doubts clarified, I had access to their office and home at any time, on any day even during holidays and long vacations

2. Self-discipline: I created self-interest and devised my own methods of studying. I was convinced that I didn’t study to just appear for exams, but I did it to understand the subject well. It was important for me to enjoy both studying and appearing for exams rather than considering them as a strain. That was my mental make-up.

3. Study Plans;  To actually implement I devised the following Study Plans;

  • Studied each and every chapter in depth by referring to class notes and books written by various authors on the same subject. This brought new and complete insight in the topic.
  • Prepared my own notes from all the material read. This helped me retain and assimilate all the knowledge I accumulated. One cannot make own notes without understanding the subject well.
  • Made separate notes on the differences of opinion between various authors.  A mention of these differences in the answers gave an edge over others’ answers and created a “different” impression to the examiner.
  • Created hints for answers.  I summarised the notes in short hint format for each chapter and revised the short notes rather than going through the entire descriptive notes, every time I revised.  Once you remember the hint, it is easy to write on the subject in detail because you know the subject well from your earlier hardwork.  Also, it saves revision time and enables to cover all points on the subject, which is important to give complete answers.
  • Left no surprise element for the examinations.  I did not believe in studying only the ‘selected’ or ‘expected’ questions just from exams point of view.  I studied all the chapters so that I was ready to face any question.  This does wonders for your confidence.
  • Studied round the year. I did not believe in studying just 30 or 60 or 90 days before examinations.
  • Made a proper timetable of subjects to be revised on each specific day for the last 4 weeks before exams.
  • Considered tackling examinations an excitement awaited and not a fear.  Bindaas (Carefree) I would go for a movie the night before examinations, (certainly the day before the accountancy and statistics exams!)
  • Stayed cool and quiet just before exams and conserve energy.

4. Approach at Examination : At the Hall: 

  • Avoided eleventh hour revision.  I believe, a dominant part of what you retained whatever little studied at eleventh hour compared to what you have been studying throughout the year.
  • Allowed half-a-minute cool-down time before reading the question paper. That helps to balance mind, memory, and temperament.
  • Allowed about 10 minutes for unexpected long answers and last 10-15 minutes for rechecking the answers.
  • Allocated time to each question in proportion to the marks it carries.  If 180 minutes are available to cover 100 marks, after allocating for rechecking and buffer-time, I devoted about 15-16 minutes for every 10 mark question.
  • Some times the answers to a question could be long, but considering the marks it carries, the examiner didn’t expect a lengthy answer. I kept the answers’ length as per the marks allocated. No point punishing and irritating the examiner by writing irrelevant and long answers.

I implemented the above strategy and got University First Rank in my B.Com.  A similar approach helped me in getting all India level ranks in my professional exams  – CA, ICWA and CS.

Dream your Best, Plan your Best and you will Achieve the Best

 

Written:  Badri Baldawa                             Edited: Meeta Kabra

 

 

A Mother’s Selflessness

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We were living in Bellary when I got an admit to St. Joseph College, Bangalore for my under-graduation in 1966. I stayed in the hostel, which as a very special case, was provided to me free of cost by the college authorities. I couldn’t afford meals at the hostel mess, thus had a special waiver to make my own arrangements for food. From the limited funds I got from home, I subscribed for a monthly coupon at an Udipi restaurant at Rs.60 per month for two limited meals a day which was good enough for my needs.

This was my first time away from home, I missed my parents. After about a month of moving to Bangalore, I took advantage of a long weekend and went home.

My mother was at the door and was surprised to see me. Her first question was, ‘Why did you come home?’ Taken aback, I asked her what she meant. I told her that I missed her and have come home for just the weekend, ‘Are you not happy that I have come home?’

She said, ‘I love to see you all the time. But I can’t be selfish. In future, avoid visits as much as possible.’ ……….a long pause, with tears in her eyes…….expecting me to ask further questions, she continued, ‘You get meals twice a day at your hostel while I can feed you only once a day…’

 

Edited by: Meeta Kabra