Category Archives: Traditions

How Reliable is Horoscope Compatibility For Wedding

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My dad’s older brother called, “we have reference for a boy from a well-reputed family in Sangli-Madhavnagar.  Bhageerathi’s horoscope matches his, 35 out of the maximum possible 36 aspects (gunas) match.” Bhageerathi was my most beloved younger sister.

The practice of matching horoscope, called ‘kundli milan’,  before marriage has been a very integral part of a Hindu marriage.

For kundlis (horoscopes) to match, parents consult an astrologer to assess the zodiac compatibility even before the boy and girl meet each other.  A match of atleast 26 aspects/points is considered essential.  It is believed, that this matching indicates how well the couple would get along together.  Obviously therefore, higher the match count, better and longer are prospects of their happy lives together.

We were all very happy to have found a boy to match 35 out of 36 counts for Bhageerathi. Shortly thereafter, in 1963, they were married.  About 2-3 years into the marriage, they were blessed with a daughter.  The year after, Bhageerathi passed away in an accident.

This raises a question.  Can the tradition of matching horoscopes be trusted?

Sure, in Hindu families reading horoscopes and making decisions based on the radings is a respected and accepted practice. However, the accuracy of the reading depends on exact time of birth. For any reason, if the time of birth is not accurately recorded, the entire horoscope could be incorrect.  Further, it is after all an individual who interprets the horoscope.  The reading depends on the depth of knowledge of the person preparing and interpreting it.

Certainly something had gone wrong in matching Bhageerathi’s horoscope.  Otherwise would she not be able to enjoy a long, married life after a match count of 35 out of 36?

There were instances where a boy and a girl liked and loved each other immensely.  When they were to get married, their horoscopes did not match and they were forced to forget each other. There were cases where priority was given to horoscope compatibility rather than personalities. Isn’t it unfair?

Should we deprive those who love each other just because of horoscope readings? Should this tradition be encouraged?  Certainly not…………I feel.

Written : Badri Baldawa

Edited  : Meeta Kabra

 

The Rich Indian Culture

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I was outside Athens Railway Station, Greece.  My wife and I were  waiting for our one of our family friends, to pick us up. This was in 1983.

Just then, a 25-30 year old youngster from Netherlands approached us to check whether we need a hotel room.  I said ‘no’.  But, he prolonged the chat.

He: Why sir? Won’t you need a room to stay?

Me: We will be staying with a friend and are waiting for him to pick us up.  Where are you from?

He:  I am from Netherlands.  I just completed my studies.  I have been wandering the world for the last 3-4 years to experience and understand people and places. I earn money by providing services to tourists in the cities I visit. As soon as I earn adequate money, I visit my next  destination.

He continued:  Are you from India?

Me: Yes.  What do you know about India?  (At that time, India was not very well known  to people in Europe)

He: I love Indians more than any one else in the world. I take two vacations every year.  Out of the two, I ensure that I visit India at least once.

He then named about 20-25 small towns from all over India, particularly from Tamilnadu, Andhra Pradesh and West Bengal that he had visited. He then told us in detail how well the Indians treated him in the small villages and farms on his visit.

Me:  What do you think is the difference between the culture in India and Europe?

He: Pardon Sir ……. , probably I heard you wrong?

Me: In your opinion what is the difference in the culture between India and your country?

He then said: I heard that Sir, but your question is wrong, Sir.   You have an unbelievable rich culture.   When I went to any of the places including towns and villages, even the poorest of poor, whether farmers or petty shop owner, ensured that the food and shelter requirements of the visitors are taken care before they care for their own.  Here, even if a daughter takes a rose flower to her mother’s birthday, she collects the dollar, the cost of the flower.

There is nothing of such culture that exists in Europe.   Comparison can be only if it exists at both the places.  In this case, culture does not exist at all in our region.  Hence there cannot be any comparison.”

Every courtesy we extent to our guests makes our country and culture, more respectable and memorable.  Let us keep it up!
Experienced and Written By: Badri Baldawa
Edited By : Meeta Kabra

What A Change In Cultural Values!

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“Today is your birthday.  Make yourself presentable to Dadi (grandmom) and other elders. Seek their blessings for your bright future,” my mother would advise me about sixty years ago, handing a set of new clothes.  Very obediently, I would go to my grand mother, uncle and all elders in the family, and bow for their blessings.

Today, the conversation with a birthday boy or girl would go  something like:

Me: “Did your grandmother and uncle call you to wish you on birthday?”

Child: “No, you know.  How bad.  How sad.  They did not call me.”

Me: “Then, did you call them up?”

Child: “If they don’t care to call me, why should I?”

Cultural values are changing fast!

Written : Badri Baldawa

Edited  : Meeta Kabra

Maayra – Should This Continue?

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I am proud of what I did last week.

My niece (brother’s daughter) was getting married.  We have a tradition called ‘Maayra’ in our community where the bride’s maternal uncle  (maama) offers valuable gifts to his sister (bride’s mother) and her daughter (bride).  This basically is with an intention to contribute towards the wedding expenses.

Taking the bride’s mother in confidence, I approached her brother with a request:  “In this marriage, if you approve, we’d like to do away with the tradition of Maayra”

After consulting his family members, maama said that they were fine with that. But in turn, would also like to not have related formalities like ‘Bathhisi’ and ‘Saama Levna’. These are small functions where the sister symbolically invites her brother’s family to the wedding.

Since our side of the family was okay with this, the entire Maayra and related programs were eliminated from the wedding.

Now imagine this.  If this maama has 6 sisters and each of the sisters has 2 or 3 children, the maama will have to offer gifts at each of these weddings – let’s say on about 15 occasions. It just does not end there.  He will also be a part of the Maayra, though on a smaller scale, at the weddings of each child of each niece as ‘Bad Maayerdar’.  Some of the maamas will probably spend a good portion of their lifetime-earnings in Mayraas.

Though this tradition is prevailing since ages, it has become irrelevant in the present time, as the disparity between the rich and the poor has increased widely. In cases where the Maama can afford, they can follow this tradition.  But it sets, a keep up with the Joneses syndrome, or an inferiority complex of sorts, for those who cannot afford it financially.

In cases where the Maama cannot afford, he begs, borrows, pledges his jewelry or property just to fulfill this tradition.  Rates of interest for such borrowings are normally so high that he is sure to be doomed under the burden of paying just the interest.

Is this a fair tradition in the present day situation?

I feel proud that all the Maayra formalities were  eliminated atleast in this wedding. I wish others are inspired and follow similar steps for reform in Society.

Writer  : Badri Baldawa

Editor  : Meeta Kabra

Himalayan Positive Attitude

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I was on my Mansarovar-Kailash yatra for the second time. I had arranged to take a group of about 100 persons for pilgrimage.   On 21 July 2010, we started driving from an altitude of 4,300 ft in Nepal to Nyalam located at 12,400 ft in Tibet, China. It was too big a climb for one day.   To ensure that everyone is healthy and fit to travel to higher altitudes in next few days, we had to take a day’s rest for acclimatisation at a village called Nyalam.

During acclimatisation, rest is defined as climbing a couple of mountains and return to the base!  In the evening, when the sun was about to set off, I noticed that a little far away, in one of the mountain kasba, about 30-35 persons were sitting together, in a big circle. Though it was far off, I could here them talking loud and laughing and enjoying their time.   It was like a celebration.

One of the Nepalese Sherpa was with me. I checked with him was it a special occasion or festival that people are enjoying so merrily, as if it was some sort of celebration.   The reply was very interesting.

He said: “This particular tribe in Tibet have their dinner early, at sunset and enjoy talking and laughing all the time during dinner. However, they have another very special tradition. During the time of dinner, even if oneperson speak negative about any one in the village or criticise, they just stop eating and quietly disperse away on that day! Probably that tradition keep them laughing all the time. Everyone in their tribe have developed the sanskar (habit) of talking positive about every other person all the time.“

What a rich tradition! We wish we all could do the same!!

Experienced and Written By: Badri Baldawa

Edited By : Meeta Kabra

In 1940s, Why Many Were Born Before 10 June !

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“What is your son’s birth date?” the clerk at the primary school asked my uncle who took me there for admissions in 1950. My uncle was caught unaware.  He never expected to face this question for getting me admitted to school!

I was born at home with the help of Akkamma, an experienced daima (mid-wife) who was devoted to our family for pre and post natal needs. There was no system of celebrating ‘Happy Birthdays’ during those days!  So, parents never bothered to remember the actual birth date of their child!

If I had to check with my Mother for anyone’s birthday in the family, she would quote an incident which happened a few days prior or after the specific birth.  I really appreciate their memories. The deliveries very rarely  in hospitals.  They were mostly at home with the help of daima.   Hence there were no official records. Only a lucky few could afford to wear a wristwatch at that time.  Therefore even the accuracy of the exact time was questionable.

Then how come we all have birth dates? Oh, and even the exact time of birth! In this entire loop, at least in my case, there was one individual who played an important role in determining my actual birth date.

In business communities, the 6 feet long red colour cloth bound bahi-khaatas (books of accounts) were maintained by the family muneems (accountants).  Whenever there was a new arrival in the family, he made a note at the top of that day’s journal “wife of Mr. so-and-so delivered a baby boy/girl at such-and-such time.”

The time noted was as given by the family members.  That became the basis for preparing janam and lagna kundalis (birth and marriage horoscopes) by the Pandits (priests). These were usually prepared years later, as and when the necessity arose.  Else there was no need to remember the birth date.

Therefore, when most unexpectedly the guardian of a child is asked for a birth date, one does not expect to get an answer on the spot.  Even if the guardian knew, there are some other internal and external limitations which needed to be considered.

There were no pre-KG or KG classes then.  For admission to the 1st standard in a primary school, the student had to complete 5 years of age as on 10th June of the year of admission.  If someone was born on 11th June or later, he would lose one year in school as that year was not counted for admission age of 5 years.

And there were other factors too!  An auspicious day was selected for getting admission to school. There was a belief that once you go for a good cause, it was inauspicious to return without having completed the job.  Hence, once you were at the school for admission, there was reluctance to go back home to find the actual birth date.

Even if he wanted to, he would have to trace the books of accounts of five years back, look through each and every day’s notes around the approximate date of birth. A tedious task indeed.

Further, parents considered it an honour to have their child admitted to a school.  It didn’t matter if the age was a couple of months short; the repercussions in the future were not considered seriously in those days.

The school authorities were interested in as many admissions as possible, so that they coult earn enough.   A date which proves completion of 5 years would do.  The parents were conveniently advised to give a date between 1st and 9th of June (of 5 years back) so that the child could be considered as having completed 5 years of age!

Not surprisingly, a good part of the population at that time was born just before 10th June!

Written By: Badri Baldawa

Edited By : Meeta Kabra

For my other Blogs please click on www.smritiweb.com/badri/

 

What Next – A Dilemma

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On certain occasions in life you are at a dilemma – do I satisfy my desires or take overall responsibilities.  At such points, it is essential to curb our feelings for the larger good. To do what I really want to do would surely give me pleasure. But the pleasure I would get in fulfilling the desires of the entire family would be incomparable.  If I have an opportunity to get ‘incomparable pleasure’, why should I get satisfied with just ‘pleasure’?

In 1965, I appeared for B.Com exams and was contemplating what was best for me to do thereafter.  I had to decide whether to join business or go for a job or pursue further studies. The ground reality was that we were ten brothers and four sisters.  Except one sister who was married, the others were younger to me.  They needed to be educated, married and ultimately settle in their career. There was always a financial crunch at home – even for essential day to day needs.  We desperately needed regular income in the family.

I always wanted to run my own business and I had the confidence that I had acumen for it. It could then be debated – why did I not join dad’s mining business?  The mining business was not giving returns.  To make it profitable, processes needed to be mechanised for which an investment of Rs.15-20 crores was needed.  We did not have adequate sources nor securities to get the large funds to run the mining business.

The maximum financial help I was offered was enough to set up a grocery shop – a very common business occupation at that time. Though business could give better earnings, there was no guarantee of any fixed minimum returns.  A single wrong decision in business could ruin the dreams of the entire family.  It was too big a risk for me to take.  I had to play a safer game.  Therefore to ensure that all the family members are taken care of, I decided against setting up a business.

The other option was to study further which would result in a further financial burden. The family would continue to struggle for at least 3-4 additional years.

Employment gives regular assured income.  It was better to go for assured income by doing a job.  At any later time, as and when I saw the family settling down, I could take the risk of fulfilling my dream of experimenting with my own business. Under the circumstances, I was convinced that doing a job would be the thing to do.  It was a compromise and of course, not a very happy situation to be in. I was still in dilemma

Just then, the results of my final B.Com were declared.  I had secured the top rank in the University.  After getting the results, I went home, took my mother’s blessings and headed to the office room.  I missed my dad.  He was away on one of his trips to the mines. By this time, a few of our family, friends and neighbours who had heard of my results had already collected in the office with a garland to honour me. One common question was,  “Badri, what do you want to do next?”  True, I now had to take a final decision.

I was blessed with a surprise.  My dad had unexpectedly returned from his trip and entered the office, full of well-wishers.  He was not aware of my results.  He heard it from the people already collected there.  I could read his face.  He was a proud father. As if the garland was waiting for my dad.  He picked it up and garlanded me.  What an honour!

The same question was asked again, “what next?” I was still confused.  Before I could answer, dad answered.  “With such bright results, what other option would he prefer other than to take the family responsibility after me.”  I was happy that dad had come to my rescue and took a decision for me.

Dad looked at me and continued “Beta, you study as much as you want.  No limits.  Leave it to me, I will handle the affairs at home. You don’t have to worry about the expenses.   I have energy and strength to take care of all of that. If you study now, you can take care of the family tomorrow!”  I was lucky to have such a dad!

A very sensitive occasion for me.  My dilemma was no more.  I got what I ultimately wanted.  Study further.  I thought for a while, I could continue study now and still earn later with higher status and earnings.  But if I went for a steady income now, it would be very difficult to go for studies later on.

It therefore was decided that I would go for further studies as long as dad had energy.This was the opportunity to show my worth in studies and then take up the challenge of supporting the entire family.  It also reminded me: in business I might earn, but it would be temporary because there can always be losses. But if I acquire knowledge, it would be my permanent asset and I would never lose it. That asset would help me later, whether I go for employment or business.

Vidya Dhanam Sarwa Dhana Pradhanam.

Author: Badri Baldawa

Editor: Meeta Kabra

The “Soonya” state of Mind at Ganges

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1 April 2014.  I was at theof River Ganges, at Rishikesh, Vaan Prastha Ghat.

People from various philosophies visit this place.  Rush of believers flood for Ganga Snaan (a dip in the Holy Ganges). After my Yoga class in the morning from 6.30 to 8.00am, I had my breakfast and came down to the ghat for a dip.

Nice, clean water.   Chilling, cold, freshly diluted ice. The current was strong.  It was difficult to stand even on the bank as you feel that you would drown with the strong flow. Heavy iron chains are provided at this bank so that one can hold the chain tight and take a dip in the river.  Still you are afraid that you will drown.

Normally, I dip myself 3 or 5 times in the Ganges.  But I recollected an interesting experience my niece Nirmala (Naru) narrated.  She went for her bath at Rishikesh, Geeta Bhavan #1 ghat.  Close to her was a lady from Eastern Europe taking her dips too.  As is her habit, Naru started talking to the European lady in English.  The lady replied in Hindi and told Naru ‘Dubki poora lena.  Shir aur shir ke hairs bhi bhigana”  (Take the dip properly, your head and hair should go in too). Naru was surprised with her reply in Hindi and said: “Kaan meh problem.” (I have a problem in my ears).  The lady said ‘haan kaan meh paani jata.’ (Yes, the water does go in the ears.)

After 5 dips Naru stopped.  The lady said, “Nahin Nahin, gyarah dubki lena.’  (No-no, you should dip yourself 11 times). When Naru said it was enough for her, the lady insisted, “nahin, nahin 11 lena.  Mai count karegi .”  (no-no, 11 times. I will count.) She forced Naru to continue and started counting dips “six raam raam, “seven raam raam” and continued till 11 dips were completed.

Today, I was afraid that I had come alone. I double checked to see that I am  safe.  I held the chain with as strong a grip as possible.  I had my first dip, second and third.  Normally I feel satisfied, rather I feel tired and complete at 3 dips. But then I recollected the instance Naru had narrated. I took 11 dips!

I do not know whether there is any logic behind this count of 11, but the last 5-6 dips gave me a thrill and pleasure which I have never experienced before. I didn’t know if there was anything surviving or existing in this universe. It was absolute “Soonya” (zero) state of mind.  Nothing but energy flowed in.

It is amazing how devoted foreigners are to learn, understand our traditions and implement them.  Some of them study our traditions and philosophy deep enough, that they are qualified to teach us our own traditions and learning from our scriptures.

Thereafter every time I was in for river bath, after The Float, I took 11 dips and enjoyed getting  in “Soonya” state of mind.

Author: Badri Baldawa

Edited: Meeta Kabra

Ganges – the Positive Energy

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April 2014 takes me to the Ghat (banks) of River Ganga at Rishikesh.

As I was changing my clothes at the steps of the Parmarth Niketan Ghat, after bathing in the Ganges, I noticed a foreign couple stepping in on the Ghat. The guy was well built. His lady friend was sitting on the steps while he went forward for a dip in the Ganges.

I thought of warning him about the strong current and that it might not be safest to enter without holding a chain. As he was about to enter his back was towards me. I saw his fair-coloured back full of tattoos. A prominent one amongst them was a large “OM”. I don’t know why, the large tattoo on his back made me feel that there was no need to warn him, as somehow that made him mature enough to understand it. Instead, I chose to watch him enter the river without holding onto the chain. Mentally, I started working out what would be the best way to save him, just in case he is pulled by the current.

He entered the river and its strong flow of water. He balanced well for a few steps into the river. He stood facing East, the direction from which the Ganges was flowing towards him. He bent forward, put his feet back and in a matter of seconds took a sleeping position. He went under the water level a couple of times, each time for a minute or two. His head was towards the East.

Clean, clear transparent water was flowing over his head, back, hips, and legs; flowing away from his feet. I had been observing over the last few days, the different ways in which people took a dip in the super-cold Ganges. However, the feelings was different as I saw this man takes his dips.

After the dip, the guy walked up to sit next to his companion. I could not resist and disturbed him.

The first obvious question was, “Where are you from?” He said “I belong to the entire world. I have no permanent home to say this is where I come from and this is where I live.” For the last seven years he had traveled between Russia, Nepal and India, most of which he had spent in Nepal and India. Though he liked Nepal, he liked India the most and would prefer and love to stay in India.” To me, it looked like he was born in one of the countries from the Soviet Union. I would call him Russian for easy identification.

Just at that time, someone, a simple Indian with his family, who was also keenly watching this foreigner with an “OM” tattoo, interrupted.

He asked the foreigner, “Excuse me. Can I ask you where did you get this Om tattoo?” The foreigner replied, “It is irrelevant, where I got it done. What is relevant is the presence of Om vibrations on my back all the time”.

The Indian said his interest was to know whether it is a temporary marked OM or etched permanently. He said “Nothing is permanent in the world, but this ‘Om’ is. This will be with me as long as my body lives. Om will stay as long as my body stays in this universe.”

The Indian said “I have some expertise and knowledge in Tattoos. I cannot believe how artistic and beautiful this one is. Origin of Om is in India, but such quality tattooing in my opinion cannot be done anywhere in India. If at all it has been done in India, I would be interested to know where”.

The visitor replied, “One of my friends in Russia is a tattoo artist and we were together for some time. He had tattooed in Russia.” He further explained, “In their early literature, Russians had reference of Om in their meditation. Om is also well-accepted and respected in Russia. There are many similarities in the Russian and Indian cultures.”

The discussions then developed to how the Russians know so well about “OM” whereas it is supposed to have originated and developed from India. The Russian said “OM” is equally well-known in Russian countries as per their scriptures (equivalent to the vedas).

They went on to discuss that long time back, India and Russia did not have a border between them. Only later, politics separated them. Hence most of the culture and traditions between India and Russia are the same. It is because the cultures, attitudes, feelings and thinking are similar that Indians and Russians are so fond of each other.

I remembered my early years when India, under Lal Bahadur Shastri and Indira Gandhi as the Prime Ministers, was very close to Russia. During war against Pakistan and China, while super power USA supported the latter, the other super power Russia supported India. That Russia might enter the game to support India kept USA away from joining Pakistan and China.

As these thoughts crossed my mind, I asked the Russian what I really wanted to ask, “I really get worried and unstable when I enter the strong water current of the river. How come you could manage so easily and reach a comfortable position.” He said it was easy. The water had a high current flow but was not very deep. He bent forward so that he could hold some stones. Once he got that hold, it was all easy. He said he lied down for a purpose. I asked him “purpose?”. What could be the purpose except that people go down to take a dip in anticipation of washing their sins and going towards Moksha. His answer was surprising.

He said, “The flow of water is nothing but energy. More so with River Ganga. Amongst water flows, it is a proven fact that River Ganges has the highest flow of energy. So when I lie down in the water with head towards the inflow of water current, the energy is passing through the top of my head, through the face, neck, shoulders, arms, back, spine, legs and finally through my feet. By the time water passes through the feet, the entire body is purified; the negatives drain out and new positive energy flows in the body. This is the energy which gives ‘life’ to the body which otherwise is just a skeleton.”

Author: Badri Baldawa
Editor:  Meeta Kabra

Mother’s Ring Speaks

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75 years ago, my mother got married.  She got a stone studded ring as a wedding gift from dad.  Both the families were well-reputed and reasonably placed economically at that time.  But luck has its own agenda and things changed. My parents wanted me to study but ran short of funds. Around 1963, they pledged the ring, for a loan of Rs. 450 against it, at a rate of 3% monthly interest cumulative. That’s how I could complete my education. I wasn’t aware of this loan. I accidentally found the pawnbroker’s note a couple of years later.

I completed my education in 1968 and got a job at a handsome salary of Rs.720 per month. Over a period of 5-6 years, the loan with compounded interest accrued to Rs.2,200. A new ring like that one could then be purchased for about Rs.1,100.  My parents must’ve even forgotten the matter by this time.  Anyway, financially it did not make sense to release the ring from the clutches of the moneylender.  However, from my accrued initial savings, I got the ring released, as it was invaluable for mom.  When I surprised mom with the ring, she could not believe it, tears rolled down and she sobbed for quite a while, probably for the unexpected surprise of getting back an invaluable item of sentimental value.

I lost my mother on Akshaya Trithiya, 24 April 2012, exactly two years ago.  When her ornaments were distributed to her children, I preferred to retain just that stone studded ring my dad had given to mom at their wedding.

I was holding that ring today. The Ring started speaking. What the Ring said could hold true for anyone.

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“Parents try their best to bring their children up, within affordable means and facilities available to them. They disciplined, gave pleasure, taught culture according to what they thought was best for you, from their point of view.  It was all selfless and nothing was expected in return.”

The Ring continued to speak:  “Forget not, you are holding your present status mainly due to the support of your parents, for which they pledged their wedding ring and even mangalsutra.  They preferred to remain hungry to ensure that you are fed.

To value the care they had taken, wasn’t it your duty to have spent some more time with them to share and talk about things of their interest? Did you not deprive them of the respect and facilities they deserved, forgetting that they sacrificed all their life for your development?”

The ring was true. I lost my father early in my life.  While my mother was alive, every day, I thought I would shortly be free; retire from my business and spend some time with her.

Occasionally, I probably considered that spending time with parents was unproductive, boring, waste of time and even disgusting.  Sometimes, I probably thought the parents were rigid and argued on matters irrelevant to the present environment.  Why did I get these types of feelings about the people, who spent their whole life to bring me up, educate me and support me in building my career?

They were the ones who were next to me whenever I was ill; they were the ones who sacrificed their desires, just to ensure that my desires get fulfilled.

I probably failed to understand that as my parents were advancing in age, their level of energy and enthusiasm would reduce and they might not catch up with new lifestyle.  I probably failed to give credit that they were more mature, better experienced and have higher understanding, without which they could not have guided me all through my life. I probably failed to appreciate that they had right to feel proud for whatever they have gone through to shoulder the family responsibilities so far. Silly, that I confused that as their ego. I probably had forgotten that they had already proven themselves while I still had to prove myself.

What a wrong notion I carried that I am extra smart.  In fact, my parents sacrificed everything for me and still they honoured and appreciated me for whatever little I did.  Alas, when my turn came to serve and honour them, I missed the golden opportunity to avail the win-win situation. Had I done that I would have lost nothing.  I repent today.

Oh, my dear Mother’s Ring.  Thank you for speaking out.  Let me see whether I can at least express gratefulness to the living elders “for whatever they have done” and show them that “I care for you and your feelings”.

Author: Badri Baldawa

Editor: Meeta Kabra